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What To Do With That Old Cable Box

in news/television

DirecTV, Comcast, Dish, and whatever other cable company executives are out there, huddle together in fear. Once enemies, they look around and realize that they’re all about to meet the same fate. Web based content providers are taking over and there’s nothing they can do about it. Streaming services are simply the next step in the evolution of television and cable is the obsolete past. The cable death march is well under way.

Cable subscribers have been declining rapidly for the past 5 years and now more households have access to Netflix than they do to a DVR. So in a few years when cable boxes are simply dust collectors next to your VHS tapes, you’ll need some ways to get some use out of them.


Cooking dinner and you realize that you’re out of clean dishes? Don’t worry. Just grab that old cable box, snap off the top panel, and voila. You’ve got a trendy new plate/bowl combo. The raised edges will keep food from getting out and you won’t be able to see the DirecTV logo, so you’ll forget all the turmoil you endured when you forgot to record the series finale of your favorite show.


Now that you have some functional trendy dish ware, what are you going to do with the top panel you just ripped off? A brand new frisbee for the kids to enjoy. With its sleek design, this piece of plastic will cut through air. You’ll no longer have to worry about where an old, conventional frisbee will veer off to since this new one will be on a beeline straight to the receiver.

*This is a joke. Please don’t allow your children to fling jagged pieces of plastic at each other or the family dog.

Home Gym

Have you been on the cable TV kick from the very beginning? If so, then your house is filled with old, heavy, cable boxes. Why not put them and yourself to work? Grab a branch from the tree out back, tape a cable box to each side, and you’ve got your very own personal gym. Watch out 24-Hour Fitness, these athletes are subscribing to Dish!

Coffee Table Decor

Entertain the grandkids with a blast from the past when they ask you what that giant brick with buttons is. Regale them with tales of shoddy TV connections during Game 7 of the World Series. Blow their minds when you tell them that this 12lb. behemoth could only hold about 30 hours of recorded video. Tell them of all the relationships that ended simply by fighting over the right to pick the channel.


As you tell your grandchildren about a simpler time in entertainment, I’m sure rage will begin bubbling up inside of you. Don’t worry, it’s completely natural to resent your old cable provider when you realize how much easier streaming is. Save that rage for your ex-coffee table decoration and current object of hatred, your cable box. It’s useless now. So take a bat and head out back for some good ol’ fashioned stress relief… Office Space style.

Image Credit: Comcast

Pitch Perfect: The Rise of Kylie Bunbury

in television

I can admit that the idea of a female Major League baseball player could be a tad farfetched, but if you’re familiar with the story of Mo’ne Davis, you might not be so skeptical. Even if you have trouble putting aside your doubts, the opening scene of Pitch will put your mind at ease; this girl came to play.

While I’m not a baseball fan per se, I am a huge Pitch fan. The writing was spectacular — and the acting certainly does it justice. Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s turn as Mike Lawson, aging future Hall of Fame catcher and bearded team leader, is nuanced and thoughtful. His chemistry with the ambitious take-no-shit-from-nobody agent Amelia Slater (Ali Larter) is somehow both steamy and adorable.

But its Mike Lawson’s relationship with rookie Ginny Baker that drives Gosselaar’s performance home. The two of them have a brother-sister banter and rapport that comes from his wisdom and her tenacity, and leaves you wishing they were in every scene together.

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